He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
