well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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