My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
