His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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