Sacagawea was the original milf.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she peed on how many people?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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