She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
