i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I supernannyed him into submission
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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