READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
