Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you will always have a special place in my vag
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
