when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
