I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
