Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
