i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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