I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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