yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
