you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
