So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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