I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
