K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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