How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
