you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm passing your future prison.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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