Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
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Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
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I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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