Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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