Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
