I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
