i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
