Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
