Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
