So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
