if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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