Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
