these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
