he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
