wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
