i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
