She's JV to your varsity
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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