You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
