Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
