Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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