I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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