you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
