I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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