I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
