I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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