i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
