Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
