I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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