Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
