There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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