Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
as a side note pls kill me
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
