Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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