I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
