People in love make me want to vomit
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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