after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
