Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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