what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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