All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
