so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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