Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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