Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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