Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
