I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
