That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
