even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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