You smell like stripper and shame
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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