Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
