I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
