he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
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I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
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I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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