the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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