ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
