He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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