did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
please don't ironically join a cult
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