I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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