Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
